fine.
im gonna break this, i carn not voice it out
----------------------------------------------
i would have lost an innocent joy
you would have gain temporary peace
but would you really have this peace,
knowing that i have lost the only thing which i take joy in?
the only thing that matters to me?
it matters so much,
it doesn't matter what i lose to get it
do you even know that i take joy and pride in it?
you do not understand, do you
cause you have ever been one
you have never been a pianist
have you ever felt the joy of the keys
the sharp notes coming out
the loudness and softness bending to your will
you are in control
in control of the music
do you feel it coarsing through your blood
the thrilling sensation?
the overwhelming and overpowering need
for music
ha, do you it'll be noise i guess
pirates of carribean
ever heard of it?
its magnificient, majestic
you say its noise, you are uncomfortable
what better thing to say to a musician
and you mock my tone deafness
you blame it on my playing
my loud talking
you see no advantage to talking loud,
i dunt.
i see enthusiasm in my voice,
loudness, eagerness
mean two different worlds to me
you'll never be able to see that right?
you know, im starting to have some rules around in this house
dun talk back even if the facts are wrong and you are wronged
dun talk about anything except things you should know aka grades and notifications
do anything you tell me to, never question
dun play pieces that you feel are noisy
speak softly and calmly
it has always been the same,
never changing, a fool i am for only realising it now
it is unnatural
it is not logical
i carn feel myself anymore
it is going numb
im becoming someone i dun even know
someone who might not even be 'one'
i dunno when i can relax
when there's no one around?